FORT MEADE, Md. (ABP) -- Speaking before members of the military on Wednesday, President George W.
Bush outlined his new strategy for containing Iran�s nuclear ambitions. The
details of the plan involve using repeated threats of military action against
the Islamic Republic, in order to establish the grounds for multiparty talks
aimed at expanding the threat of force.
�It�s just like Teddy
Roosevelt said,� Bush told the soldiers at Fort Meade�s Boot Camp Orientation
Day ceremonies. �You gotta use the stick, and then the carrot. But the carrot�s
lead, you see? That�s the major thing. That�s called �diplomacy.��
The �lead carrot and
stick� policy was reportedly the result of a compromise hammered out last
weekend between Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Condoleezza
Rice. An anonymous Cheney aide involved in the discussions described the debate
as �feisty but productive.�
�The pres . . . the
vice president wanted to keep up the pressure on the Persian terrorist menace,
while Condoleezza advocated surrendering to France. In the end, they reached an
amicable agreement around the preside . . . around the vice president�s opinions,�
the aide reported.
Addressing the recent
U.N. Security Council resolutions imposing trade restrictions on Iran, the
president emphasized the need for tougher sanctions. �You wanna . . . - it�s
just necessary, you see? We must keep using the stick to force Mr.
Achmanadinijihadi to the table. Iran must understand that there�s no future for
a nucular Iran. They must stop enriching before we�ll talk.
�Then, when they give
in, that�s when we hit �em with the carrot.�
As he has done on many
previous occasions, Bush drew on previous conflicts to support his position. �We
must learn from the lessons of the past. When Teddy Roosevelt fought the Nazis
at Agincourt, you didn�t see him giving �em nukes.�
Former Nobel Peace
Prize winner Henry Kissinger addressed the troops after the president�s speech,
via tape delay from his private bunker complex under the Pentagon. �Wars don�t
obey national borders. We must hit our enemies wherever they are, repeatedly
and with lots of weapons. And there�s no better time to do that than when they�re
sitting across the negotiating table from you.�
Standing behind the
president during the speech were several noted Democratic members of Congress,
including 2008 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. �I wholeheartedly
support the president on Iran,� responded the exceedingly liberal Senator from
New York. �But he must change course. As president, I would never rule out the
use of sticks, vegetables, and other objects against Iran. Which is why we in
the Democratic leadership must not interfere with this misguided, necessary
plan of action.�
Lieberman of Connecticut, also in attendance, agreed. �Any non-binding
resolution the House might consider would tragically bind the president�s hands
and result in the swift and massive genocide of our brave American troops.�
officials, noting the success of the administration�s �preemption� policy,
estimated that the new Iran approach will result in the �total surrender� of
the Democratic Party by November 2008.
Adam Blakeley writes humor, attempts at humor, quasi-Marxist rants, and
other sentences from his home in New Jersey. His website can be found at www.abonparade.com.