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The Lighter Side Last Updated: Mar 15th, 2007 - 00:29:47

A �pattern sensor� alert!
By Kerry Tomasi
Online Journal Contributing Writer

Mar 15, 2007, 01:08

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As a certified pattern sensor, I�ve detected a certain pattern involving the Bush administration and the corporate media. It appears to be Rovian in nature, which means it�s complex and can be difficult to detect, unless you�ve been trained to detect such things, as I have.

Here�s my five-step report on the pattern as it developed, and my prediction on where it might lead:

1. First, lower the bar of voter expectations for the Republican candidate in �08. Begin touting as the frontrunners a variety of inherently flawed candidates (those who could potentially win either the primary or the general election, but not both). Romney, Guiliani, Brownback and McCain fit this bill perfectly. Then throw in Newt Gingrich just to be safe.

2. Next find a potential scapegoat to carry away all the �bad vibes� Bush and the Republicans have generated in the minds of the voting public over the past six years. And who has the unique ability to handle such an enormous burden? Dick Cheney. Here�s a guy who has approval ratings in the low teens and doesn�t care, who�s already acknowledged as being the dark side of the �otherwise good and godly� Bush administration, and who could easily be accused of having misled our �otherwise good and godly� leader, and his sycophantic supporters in Congress, into making a few bad decisions. Yes, Deadeye Dick could play the part, and play it well. I wouldn�t be surprised if it�s a part he�s been rehearsing for some time now.

3. Put the �scapegoat plan� into play (which is where we�re at now). Have the corporate media begin subtly attacking Dick Cheney (timing of Libby verdict fortuitous) as an albatross around the neck of the president and the Republican Party. Keep in mind this is Dick Cheney they�re referring to. This is a guy who regularly �hunts� small captive birds with the CEOs of the corporations who own the news programs doing the reporting. Cheney need only mumble a word or two of dissatisfaction between shots, and those journalists and/or reporters would have their careers crushed instantly! They would never work for CNN, MSNBC, CBS, NBC, ABC, Clear Channel, the Sinclair Group, Associated Press, USA Today, or any other corporate outlet or newspaper ever again! They might even find it difficult to get work with any of the fake or comedic news programs like The Daily Show, Colbert Report, or Fox News. So when you hear any of these corporate correspondents suggesting, or even hinting, that Dick Cheney should step down, you know something is up.

4. After Cheney resigns, Bush then appoints to the vice presidency the next �president of the United States.� This will be someone who will appear to be �just right� to the voters, especially when measured against those flawed �frontrunners� trotted out in step one.

And what might happen if Bush�s choice does not appear to be garnering enough of the �just right� support in time to win the �08 election? Well . . .


�In response to this latest attack on our nation�s freedom, I�ve authorized Homeland Security, under the direction of the vice president, to assume control of all federal, state, and local governments. I�ve also ordered federal troops to begin patrolling our nation�s streets, with instructions to arrest and detain any and all suspicious looking characters. I�ve taken these steps to protect our nation, and our freedoms, from these freedom-hating evildoers! Because you�re either with freedom or against us, and those who are against us hate freedom! In other words, they are anti-freedom! Our freedom and liberty must be protected at all cost, which is why I�ve also ordered the postponement of the 2008 election indefinitely, or until the threat of terrorism has passed, whichever comes first.�

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