Online Journal
Front Page 
 Special Reports
 News Media
 Elections & Voting
 Social Security
 Editors' Blog
 Reclaiming America
 The Splendid Failure of Occupation
 The Lighter Side
 The Mailbag
 Online Journal Stores
 Official Merchandise
 Progressive Press
 Barnes and Noble
 Join Mailing List

The Lighter Side Last Updated: Jun 8th, 2006 - 00:37:00

Federal witness protection program: The future home of George W. Bush?
By Jane Stillwater
Online Journal Contributing Writer

Jun 8, 2006, 00:34

Email this article
 Printer friendly page

My friend Leona told me that she thought she saw Jimmy Hoffa in Missouri recently. "Maybe he's still alive." It could happen. Maybe the feds put him in a witness protection program.

I bet that's what's going to finally happen to George W. Bush. We will get a tastefully sorrowful announcement on CNN that America's 42nd president [sic] has quietly passed away in his sleep. Then this sad event will be followed by a fancy state funeral. And then they will quietly whisk our George off to play gin rummy with Osama bin Laden in Dubai.

You think I'm joking? I'm not.

I bet you anything that when the special prosecutors start fitting GWB for an orange jump suit, he's gonna wimp out, pull out some wax dummy look-alike to get buried in Arlington and then join a witness protection program overseen by Alberto Gonzales.

George, I understand. When Americans finally wake up and discover the millions of ways that you have screwed them, playing drop-the-soap with Jeff Skilling and Kenny-Boy Lay is going to be one of the milder options available to you. What are some others? Death row comes to mind. Or being run out of town on a rail. Tar and feathering? Hey, I'm non-violent. And I would HATE to see you get lynched.

I just have one favor to ask, Mr. Gonzales. PLEASE don't put Bush in a witness protection program in California! Send him to Texas.

See Jane Stillwater's Web Log for more of her outside-the-box essays and observations.

Copyright © 1998-2006 Online Journal
Email Online Journal Editor

Top of Page

The Lighter Side
Latest Headlines
Mickey Z. interviews Condi
How you can learn to stop worrying and love the bomb
The nuts and Dolts of America�s downfall
Professionalism on the march
"The Flying Wi-Fi" -- working out the bugs
Madame Jane predicts: "With Bush in jail, a new 9-11 threat is avoided . . ."
Y'all come to the Busheviks' Fear Fest
On your mark, get set, bomb!
God�s Middle East peace plan
Executive Order: The Frozen Embryo Bill of Rights
New version of Nigerian phishing e-mail scam promises jobs, riches, poker and great lunches
In support of our troops at Haditha
"With the benefit of hindsight, many in the Democratic Corporation now question the timing of the acquisition . . ."
Federal witness protection program: The future home of George W. Bush?
New Alito writing uncovered
Yo, troops! Hey, vets! We got yer support right here
Confused about American political life
Left all atwitter over Cheney's itchy trigger finger