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The Lighter Side Last Updated: Jan 4th, 2007 - 01:08:31

On your mark, get set, bomb!
By Remi Kanazi
Online Journal Contributing Writer

Aug 28, 2006, 00:20

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Ladies and gentlemen, grab your rockets and start firing. The sovereign state of Lebanon must respond to the gross violation of UN Resolution 1701, by destroying Israel if necessary. The Lebanese population cannot wake up every morning, wondering if their rogue state of a neighbor is going to drive them into the sea or possibly up to the mountains (it depends which direction the Israeli forces drop in from).

But seriously, can Iran nuke Israel yet? I realize Iran doesn�t have any, but since violating a UN resolution -- excluding the 66 passed chiding Israel -- is a death sentence (i.e. UN Resolution 1559), I�m sure the US government will have no problem express shipping a couple to Tehran. The world will call it �disproportionate,� but since when did the ol� red, white and blue give a damn about what those pansies in Europe and those carpet riders in the desert said anyway? My freedom toast tastes better with a little ass-kicking on top.

Okay, so you ask yourself: why would the US supply Iran with nukes to turn Israel into an upside down yarmulke, when Iran isn�t even a player in Resolution 1701? If you haven�t figured out the equation yet: an attack on Lebanon is an attack on Iran. When Israel, five days ago, was a law-abiding nation, an attack on Israel was an attack on America. But the US plays by the rules and supports others that also play by the rules (i.e. Lebanon and its �partner� Iran). This is reason enough for the US to help wipe Israel off the map. The US administration has to support its law-abiding allies. This is how America is going to create the new Middle East.

The Bush administration made it clear that we support democracy, particularly democracy in Lebanon, as said by Sally Hemmings . . . I mean Condi Rice, along with the inalienable right to sovereignty and self-defense via carpet bombing the enemy�s women and children. One can only conclude that America will lead the fight to destroy Israel, although a �green light� would suffice.

Hezbollah must react, too. It needs as many Zelzal missiles as it can get its hands on -- Tel Aviv residents must pay for the action of their government. So the US doesn�t love the ideology of Hezbollah, but in this cold war gone hot, we need to pick the lesser of the two evils. It is equally important that Lebanon send the region a message: might makes right, right?

Many US citizens were perplexed by Israel�s recent breaking of the cease-fire, but this is not new Israeli governmental behavior. The only reason Israel finally admitted that its Special Forces (I believe the politically correct term is mentality disabled) engaged in a blatantly illegal invasion, is that one of its soldiers died. Israel doesn�t mind crossing green or blue lines; it�s a color friendly nation. Covering up a botched mission, resulting in the loss of Israeli life, however, is harder than finding a bomb shelter in a Palestinian neighborhood in Israel.

For democracy, for freedom, and for liberty everywhere, join me in the fight for a better future. Our nation didn�t build a democracy in Afghanistan and Iraq overnight, but with a couple calls to the White House, I�m sure we can have Israel turned into a parking lot by sunrise tomorrow.

Remi Kanazi, a Palestinian-American, lives in New York City. He is a freelance writer, and the founder and primary writer for the political website, Poetic Injustice. He can be reached at

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