I know, I know. I�ve seen the blogosphere screeching about
the Death of Democracy now that the Supreme Court has rolled back restrictions
on corporate donations to political campaigns. Whiners. Haven�t you all stopped
for even a moment to think how this might benefit humanity? Sure, sure, we�re
all aware of the downside, but would it kill us to think positive for a change?
I mean, let�s face it, corporations have controlled the
agenda since the Mayflower Compact duped those non-puritan losers into thinking
it didn�t matter where they �settled,� as long as they made some money. Come
on, people, it�s not as if corporate whoredom hasn�t been a Staple(tm) of our �democracy�
from the beginning. The latest victory for corporate personhood just kicks the
can a little bit further down Wall Street. Corporations are people too, dammit!
Do we really need such archaic forms of government? When
business and information are moving around the globe at the speed of light, can
we really afford to wait two, or four or even six years for an �election?� Get
real. Corporations know how to spend money wisely, and if we give ourselves
completely to their benign control, won�t we all sleep just a little better at
night? Now don�t you smirk! (We own that gesture).
True, some changes will be in order. But we�ve been
indulging this eighteenth century protocol crap for too long anyhow. Will the gentleman
yield? I yield to the gentle lady from Texas. Come on. Besides, all these
geographic obstacles have outspent their welcome, anyway. How about the senator
from Viacom? The senator from Monsanto is up five points in heavy trading today.
. . . No more of this silly nanny powdered wig stuff. It�s time to update our
institutions: The gentleman from United Health Care! As in, the gentleman from
United Health Care asks consent to revise and extend his remarks. And what�s
with this gender bias -- aren�t we beyond that? Think of the post-feminist
breakthrough inspired by a whole new term, say, gentlecorp. As in, will the
gentlecorp. yield? I yield to the gentlecorp.
And it�s not just in the formal setting of CongressCorp that
these sweeping changes will take place. Think of the advances for humankind!
Not since Upton Sinclair ruined the meat industry with his snarky, lopsided
hatchet job will corporations have been so free to not tell it like it is.
Imagine, no more cholera, no more botulism or e. coli. In fact, no more disease
or pain of any kind, now that definitions and regulations will become a thing
of the past, consigned to history with the swipe of a corporate pen. Just like
the World Health Organization did to smallpox. Well, virtually.
Homelessness will disappear, along with hunger, poverty and
war. Unemployment will vanish -- who�s counting? Want another double
cheeseburger? Pile it on -- coronary artery disease and diabetes, like obesity
and racism, are things of the past when those silly rules that require
reporting or cataloging them are gutted like the mad cows they are not (BSE
doesn�t exist without testing, genius!). Age of Aquarius? Yeah, right! Make way
for the Age of Corporatarius!
Sure, the American Dream will change. But be honest, hasn�t
it always been in flux? From the dream of female suffrage to joining a union,
from home ownership to the Negro right to vote . . . all these quaint notions
have come and gone over time. I remember a political cartoonist in the 80s
lampooned the dream of a black man running for president. An older, African
American man was bouncing a grandson on his knee: �President? No, son -- but
you may grown up to be Frontrunner!�
Such cynicism! Within a mere 20 years, a black corporation
was elected to the very White House this cartoonist implied was out of reach.
And that was in the bad old days when corporations had to connive and scheme to
line the public trough with billions of dollars of corporate cash. Brand Obama
shattered the beige ceiling for millions. And, in time, so will the SCOTUS
ruling today, setting the scene for that day not long from now, in some town or
godforsaken hamlet somewhere between Orlando and the dawn. . . . in some
lonely, lowly, humblest of business schools, a Latina or African American
Grandma will smile, her eyes brimming with tears as she looks on at her
successful granddaughter: �I always knew that if you prayed hard enough and
worked hard enough . . . that someday you might just . . . grow up to [sniff]
own a United States senator!
[No corporations were harmed in the writing of this
� 2010 Daniel Patrick Welch. Reprint permission granted with credit and
link to danielpwelch.com.
Writer, singer, linguist and activist Daniel
Patrick Welch lives and writes in Salem, Massachusetts, with his wife, Julia
Nambalirwa-Lugudde. Together they run The Greenhouse School and run workshops and
seminars on music and history. Translations of articles are available in up to
30 languages. Links to the website are appreciated at danielpwelch.com. New CD
available through the website at http://danielpwelch.com/dansshop.htm#CD:Let It Snow.