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The Lighter Side Last Updated: Jan 4th, 2007 - 01:08:31

Great Iraq-newspapergate work, Lincoln Group
By Robert Cohen
Online Journal Contributing Writer

Dec 5, 2005, 00:12

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Here's the email I sent Friday to, the Washington, DC-based info- and psyops Pentagon contractor that was reported by The New York Times earlier this week to be responsible for the bribing of Iraqi newspapers in order to plant pro-occupation articles in their news coverage.

Dear Good People at Lincoln Group:

Congratulations! It sounds like you're doing marvelous work in Iraq. Don't let the liberal, Bush-and America- hating news media get you down. I hope you profit from this war to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. You deserve it! This is US taxpayers money well spent and don't let the traitors tell you otherwise.

That's what war and struggle is all about anyway -- rewards for the elect. These terrorists can't win if we deluge Iraq with enough good news and positive PR. These Arabs aren't very smart anyhow. We should continue destroying their country and wipe out the Sunni population altogether if they continue to resist.

With the good people at Lincoln providing them with positive, uplifting news in Iraqi papers and electronic media they won't know what to believe even as we level entire cities, hold thousands in torture centers and blast them with chemical weapons. What's a couple of hundred thousand Iraqi lives worth anyway?

And if we sacrifice the lives of thousands of American soldiers in this valiant effort, wounding tens of thousands of others, it's well worth it. After all, 600,000 were killed in the Civil War and several hundred thousand GI's in World War Two. We're not nearly there yet, and there's plenty more American cannonfodder (um, I mean youth) to replenish the ranks, and many, many more contractors who would like to make a killing without necessarily being killed. They're giving their lives for a noble cause -- democracy, freedom and conspicuous consumption. Hallelujah!

The US has a right and duty to impart democracy and freedom to these "untermenschen." If it's at the barrel of a gun so be it. They should be grateful. They have no right to their oil, natural resources, let alone their archaeological treasures and antiquities which really are an American birthright. We got rid of the dictator and now we have a right to slice up the country and install whatever government or governments we like, so long as it has the appearance of legitimacy in democratic elections just like we have in the good, (Dieb)old USA!

Thank God there's good people out there like you guys doing God's work. I pray that we'll prevail against the forces of darkness and terror and Islamic radicalism, and drag these ignorant towel heads and the rest of the globe into the glorious twenty-first century so full of opportunity and which God has promised to America the beautiful. Oh yeah, and we'll be safer here at home too!

Thanks for all your good work and I hope you keep it up.

Very gratefully,
Rob Peter

P.S. Are there any jobs available for good publicists in Iraq?

Robert Cohen is a San Francisco area-based freelance writer and fundraiser/activist for peace and progressive groups.

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