Dear Black Leader, as the unofficial self-appointed
representative of the people whom you are supposed to work for, I have a bit of
bad news. As of MLK Day 2008. . . . You're Fired!!!
It's not that we don't appreciate your hard work and
dedication in fighting for our civil rights and everything. We know your bio,
which you always share with us anytime we ask you what have you done for us,
lately. We know about the marches, the demonstrations, the police dogs and the
jail stays. But that history is lost on this generation. They are desensitized
to the "going to jail thing." My cousin Clyde, the Klepto can do a
10-year bid standing on one hand. As far as the police dogs, Li'1 Tyrone has to
deal with stray pitbulls everyday coming home from school. So the tales from
the past just don't move black folks like they used to.
Accounting is concerned about the expense account that
you've been runnin' up. They say that you have been abusing the company's Bank
of Harlem Black Card. Is it really necessary to wear $2,000 Brooks Brothers
suits and $1,500 Itallian leather shoes everyday while the people you work for
get their clothes from Wal-Mart and Pick and Pay? (Work rule # 1, never out
dress the boss.) And how about the first class airline tickets and the 5 star
hotels? Also, the board of directors thinks that the $5,000 honorarium that you
charge historically Black colleges for 45 minutes of your wisdom is a little
excessive. Especially when you are going to ask the strugglin' college kids to
break you off $28.99 for your latest hardback after the lecture?
My "peeps" in the street are also tired of seeing
you on C-SPAN more than they see you in tha hood, homie. They want you to step
your rap game up and come with something a little fresher than a remixed
"I Have a Dream" speech, every year. At least Jay Z and his crew can
bust a funky freestyle off the top of their heads. And stop criticizing their
spinning rims and platinum teeth when you are bling blingin' more than they
are. And for the record, they said that they ain't gonna stop using the
"n" word as long as you keep referring to Black folks as
"minorities" and "colored people." The Boys in the hood
want a chance to shine on the cover of Ebony and on the radio, too. My boy,
Tre, said that he was in the newspaper one time and his mother said that he
looked real good dunkin' the basketball in the Cross City Championship of
'95. He once dropped some serious info after the Jena 6 March in the
middle of Mr Luther's Barber Shop and got a standing ovation and a free
haircut! Brotha's got some real talk for the people but NPR won't interview
The interns who have been runnin' around getting your coffee
and filing your papers for the last 20 years are getting tired of being passed
over for promotions. Word around the breakroom is that they are planning a
hostile takeover if changes aren't made soon.
We tried to get your pension straight, but, funny thing, no
one in human resources remembers hiring you. It must have happened during the
race riots of '69 when the brothas were handlin' their business in the streets.
When the smoke cleared all the rest of the brothas were doing long prison
sentences but you were at the front of the line to be the first black to
integrate Whiteman and Liverpool, Inc.
To find a suitable replacement we have decided to launch our
own reality show, "America's Next Black Leader," and we will be going
through hoods across America with a camcorder to see who is actually out there
feeding the people, fighting the power and doing all of the other things that
you preached to us for the last 40 years that we should be doing.
So we thank you for your years of service and we know that
you will have no problem finding a new job with your white corporate sponsors.
Min. Paul Scott's blog is www.nowarningshotsfired.com. He
can be reached at (919) 451-8283 or email@example.com.
Min. Paul Scott