James Dewey Watson, the co-discoverer of DNA, recently
resigned as chancellor of Long Island�s Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory for
making racially insensitive remarks. But don't expect Ann Coulter to step down
from the public spotlight anytime soon.
Especially as "Islamofascism" tours take off on
Even though the conservative pundit called former Vice President
Al Gore and Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards the "f" word
for gay, ridiculed 9/11 widows, claimed Ambassador to France Pamela Harriman
"slept her way to the top," told disabled Vietnam veteran and former
Georgia Senator Max Cleland, "People like you caused us to lose that
war," recommended poisoning Supreme Court Justice Stevens, called reporter
Helen Thomas an "old Arab," called Senator John Kerry a kept spouse
and claimed she suffered more listening to Abu Ghraib stories than did the
inmates, Coulter is not big on self-correction.
In fact, she felt so ashamed about the lapses she says she
"couldn't stop laughing."
Still there are signs Coulter's career might be on
decrescendo, judging from the melodramatic and dated tone to her new bestseller,
If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd be Republicans. (Coulter doesn't write books; she writes
"True, it was heartless of me to question whether al
Qaeda had specifically targeted the Jersey Girls' husbands and whether the
other 2,994 victims were just collateral damage. I should have just told them
to 'put some ice on that,' as Juanita Broaddrick says Hillary's husband did
after raping her."
"Liberals are racked by self-loathing as the result of
some traumatic incident -- say, driving drunk off a bridge with your mistress
passed out in the back seat and letting the poor girl drown because you're a
married man and a U.S. Senator, just to take one utterly random, hypothetical
example off the top of my head."
Coulter doesn't seem to realize Chappaquiddick and Bill
Clinton's infidelities are not high on the public's indignation scale anymore.
Same with "[Clinton's] groping Kathleen Willey simultaneously with her own
spouse committing suicide."
And what is a proponent of family values doing naming
chapters, Bill Clinton: He Left a Mark on History That May Never Come Out --
wink, wink -- and making Moby Dick jokes anyway?
Also dated is Coulter's polarizing "us and them"
"How about attacks on gays? Maybe gay-bashers are just
tired of being told they have no sense of style."
"It's always the same people who characterize
puncturing a baby's skull and sucking the brains out a 'constitutional right'
who rise in self-righteous moral condemnation over some harmless little joke
Don't think joke one is funny? You're probably in category
Then there's feminism.
Maybe Coulter was so jonesing for another R rated Bill joke
-- the joke: Hillary will be "the first woman in a Clinton administration
to sit behind the desk in the Oval Office instead of under it," -- that
she could overlook Clinton administration women like Janet Reno, Donna Shalala
and Madeleine Albright.
It still doesn't excuse a line like, "If you've ever
wondered whether the Democrats have become a bunch of women, consider that they
have now adopted the feminists' motto: 'That's not funny!'"
Yes it's 1972-style woman bashing! Packed on ice from the
days when classified ads read, "Help wanted Gal Friday" and letters
Even though it might be said of Coulter as it's been said of
Madonna that she has the body of a hooker and the mind of a pimp, she still
must realize that speaker and reader are not presumed male in 2007. And that
the speaker of the House, many senators and several governors are a bunch of
Finally, there's Coulter's writing itself -- or to be more
accurate, pasting. There is no bigger giveaway to creeping obsolescence and
pedantry than quoting and repeating yourself.
Except for about 20 pages of new material, If Democrats
Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans is nothing but out takes from
previous books and forced attempts at one-liners.
And like the worse pastiche of homespun aphorisms, the
sayings are thrown together without any order or organization.
Coulter even seems to recognize this shortcoming, making the
joke early in the book that if she's too "disjointed . . . Barack Obama
might accuse me of stealing his act." No worries there.
Martha Rosenberg is
staff cartoonist on the Evanston Roundtable. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.