Dear President Bush, as a staunch conservative (I will
present my credentials later), accept my congratulations on the Iraq elections.
Please consider these ideas for moving forward with your democracy-building
efforts in Iraq that sadly less than a majority of the 31 percent of eligible
voters that re[s]elected you president now support:
than serve useless jail terms, have Randy "Duke" Cunningham, and
other self-confessed and soon-to-be-convicted Republicans, spend their
incarceration in Iraq where they can teach Iraqi politicians about
American democracy and how they can avoid making the foolish mistakes that
got them entrapped by overly eager law enforcement agencies.
than wait for a flawed liberal-influenced justice system, implore Scooter
Libby and Tom DeLay to immediately offer Iraq's newly elected officials
world-class instruction on how Iraq can develop a society-stabilizing
two-party system instead of Iraq's current inefficient multi-party system
that is surely burdensome and overly confusing. Though these fine patriots
may hesitate about trading their right to a trial for life in Iraq, assure
them (privately of course) that their inevitable pardons will be so much
more credible because of their sacrifice.
sure that the head of the World Bank, Paul Wolfowitz, who served you so
well in conceiving and planning the Iraq war, develops a globalization
strategy for Iraq so that they, like us, can reap globalization's economic
benefits, especially eliminating their dissident middle class for the
simpler rich-poor system that you are brilliantly delivering to Americans.
the many think tanks, trade associations, and companies that you have confidence
in, such as the Heritage Foundation, the United States Chamber of
Commerce, and Halliburton, to develop a set of policy initiatives for
developing a sound corporate culture in Iraq that can support the new
government over the long-term through effective campaign financing and
our Department of Homeland Security provide ample technical support and
policymaking advice so that Iraq can develop effective border controls to
avoid the high price of uncontrolled illegal immigrants pouring in from
neighboring Iran, Jordan and Syria to take advantage of the inevitable
better job opportunities in the New Iraq.
our Treasury Department to teach Iraqis the intricacies of debt-financing
so that they, like us, are not hamstrung by limiting their spending by
their revenues, thus obtaining high rates of economic growth and
prosperity without fear of government borrowing (from China), tax cuts for
the newly rich, and spending (on privatizing government through
that the new Iraqi government prevents their regional and local
governments from making the mistake that so many of our misguided
officials and citizens have made in blocking new and bigger Wal-Mart
stores, without which poor (and soon to be poorer) Iraqi citizens (and
illegal immigrants) will not be able to achieve a decent quality of life,
not to mention good jobs.
As to my credentials as a true fiscal and social
conservative, I am proud to say that I use my 13-year old made-in-America
automobile as little as possible (less than 5,000 miles a year) to minimize my
gasoline consumption, keep my home temperature at 60 degrees to minimize use of
natural gas, have only two credit cards that I pay off fully on time to avoid
all interest charges, have borrowed absolutely no money to avoid debt,
diligently recycle all my paper, glass, plastic and metal household wastes,
wish everyone a Happy Holiday and a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah, and,
like you, have not married someone of my own sex.
With every hope that you are as successful in exporting
American democracy as you have been in stemming the tide of law-breaking
illegal immigrants and potential terrorists across our borders,
Joel S. Hirschhorn
author's new book, "Delusional Democracy -- Fixing the Republic Without
Overthrowing the Government," will be published by Common Courage Press;
his current book is "Sprawl Kills -- How Blandburbs Steal Your Time,
Health and Money." He can be reached through www.sprawlkills.com.