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Religion Last Updated: Feb 8th, 2007 - 00:25:18

�Christian� e-mail -- chock full of nuts!
By Nick Paccione
Online Journal Contributing Writer

Feb 8, 2007, 00:12

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I received a �Christian� email this week from a friend who enjoys �getting my gander up� by sending me wacky e-mails. The sad fact remains, that someone actually wrote this message and many believe it. I did a little online research and this gem appears on quite a few �Christian� ministry websites.

I think it�s a good thing when we shine a light on the darkness that lurks within the minds of people we are probably dealing with daily. Here�s the message written by someone who is trying to save souls by mocking everything that a loving God would represent.

My sarcasm (sorry, God) appears in italics.


Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death! Make a personal reflection about this. Very interesting, read until the end.

Until the end of what? My life? This e-mail? The end times?

It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7): "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

That nails it. What more need anyone say about untimely death as retribution for mocking God. Actually if a man reaps what he soweth and he�s been sowing mockery shouldn�t his punishment be God or someone else mocking him? This author implies that mockery leads to death by God�s decree. So the mocker wouldn�t actually be reaping what he soweth, would he?

Here are some men and women who mocked God:

JOHN LENNON: Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said: "Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him" (1966). Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

I thought he was shot in 1980. That�s almost a quarter of a century after his mockery of God. The hand of God is not necessarily swift.

TANCREDO NEVES (President of Brazil): During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.

Now we know what happened to John Tyler back in 1862.

CAZUZA (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet): During a show in Canec�, Rio de Janeiro, whilst smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said: "God, that's for you." He died at the age of 32 of AIDS in a horrible manner.

In a horrible manner? Was his home that bad? Oh that would be manor, wouldn�t it? Besides aren�t most AIDS sufferers God�s reviled bunch according to loving �Christians?� Did he really even need to vocalize his mockery of God considering he was bi-sexual?

THE MAN WHO BUILT THE TITANIC: (He must have been exhausted after building it.) After the construction of the Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: "Not even God can sink it" The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic.

Yes, it struck an iceberg. It�s sad to think that God is so passive-aggressive. And just what did the passengers and crew of the Titanic do to God? This would imply that if you even get near anyone or to anything that a mocker has talked about you will be killed.

MARILYN MONROE: She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. (Who�s presentation of a show? What is a presentation of a show?) He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said: "I don't need your Jesus". A week later, she was found dead in her apartment.

Funny, but she lived in a house. And how in the hell did the writer of this gem miss the chance to smear the Catholic, Democratic Kennedy brothers? Fact check: Billy Graham never met Monroe.

BON SCOTT: The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang: "Don't stop me, I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell". On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.

Did he choke on his vomit or did God give the vomit hands for the occasion?

CAMPINAS/SP 2005: In Campinas, Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend. The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter -- holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: "MY DAUGHTER, GO WITH GOD AND MAY HE PROTECT YOU."

Nice God-fearing mother. She should be in jail for not stopping them from driving drunk.

She responded: "ONLY IF HE (GOD) TRAVELS IN THE TRUNK, CAUSE INSIDE HERE IT'S ALREADY FULL". Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact. The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none were broken.

Don�t even think about dissecting the grammar here. Let�s just note that those crazy drunks never got a chance to egg the nearby monastery. What did the car do to get so unrecognizably mangled? And are we to believe that God was riding along to protect the eggs or just to perform another one of his wry passive-aggressive practical jokes?

Christine Hewitt: A Jamaican Journalist and entertainer, said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written, in June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.

But was her motor vehicle recognizable and were there any poultry products in the trunk?

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.

And this connects to the rest of your clear-eyed thinking, how?

JESUS!!! (You said it and I�d add a couple more exclamation points.)

P.S: If it was a joke, you would have sent it to everyone. (You know what? I did send this to everyone). So are you going to have courage to send this? (Courage isn�t the first word that pops into my head when I read this.) I have done my part, Jesus said "If you are embarrassed about me, I will also be embarrassed about you before my father."

I�m embarrassed for you.

End of e-mail.

So according to the author of this e-mail and the people that are passing it along, God gets revenge on those who mock him. Now I get it. Does this mean that the children who die every day from leukemia, cancer, disease, starvation or in car accidents must have been God mockers? I feel better knowing that they got what they deserved. I guess our troops that have died in Iraq must be God mockers too. I'm sure the young men and women who make it home are the true believers. We know the dead Iraqi civilians were mocking God because they didn�t even believe in Jesus. They had it coming. I don't know what I was thinking when I used to say, "Judge not lest ye be judged." It's clear that when someone dies an untimely death, we need to find out what they did to deserve it and then condemn them. Thank you, �Christians.� You will surely be rewarded for such brilliant heartfelt insight.

Nick Paccione is a freelance writer who has written several articles on U.S. cultural trends and politics.

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