After publicly stating that he feared his middle name was
causing many Jews to be suspicious of him as being a Muslim, the president has
changed it from Hussein to Schmulka.
�I believe that by taking this ancient and honored Jewish
name I can once and for all convince my very few lunatic Jewish detractors who
logically feared that I might be a Muslim because of my other hate-speech name
which I will no longer use and will hereafter be referred to as the �H� name,
that I am truly devoted to Jews and Israel, as I have always been since long
before this necessary name change.
�Further, to convince some of my good lunatic friends on the
right that I am not now nor have I ever been a socialist and have a lifelong
dedication to capitalism, my two daughters are having dollar signs tattooed on
their arms and I will proudly wear an American flag pin with a large dollar
sign over my heart. I hope that in this spirit of bipartisan citizenship I can
help bring Americans together in unity that crosses lines of race, creed,
bankroll or intelligence and we can move on to make this country once again a
beacon of light in a dimming universe with food for thought for the
intellectually hungry and for people who need to stand up and be proud of what
they once were but still are and when the day is done we can all join hands and
say free at last free at least, thank God almighty and whatever . . .�
At this point the president stopped as the assembled
Washington press corps spontaneously broke down into hysterical weeping at this
emotional display by this most emotionally spellbinding orator in the history
of American presidents who engage in spellbinding oratory. There were a few
laughs coming from the back of the pressroom, but these were journalists from
foreign countries representing the overwhelming majority of the global
population, so who cares?
Copyright � 2010
Frank Scott. All rights reserved.
Frank Scott writes political commentary which
appears in print in the Coastal Post and The Independent Monitor and online at
the blog Legalienate.