�We�re all gonna rock to the rules that I make/I wanna be elected� �Alice Cooper, �Elected�

Every four years, we get Coke vs. Pepsi. McDonald�s vs. Burger King. MasterCard vs. Visa. Let me put it another way: As long as the pilot has the controls, it matters not if you sit on the right side of the plane or the left side of the plane. So, the next time someone tells you America has a two-party system, I suggest you demand a recount.

Like the bull in a bullfight, we voters chase the elusive red cape . . . distracted from the real targets through an attractive image or illusion. We offer no challenge to the status quo. Instead, we willingly contribute by assuming our predetermined role as a voter/consumer. Ideologies are sold to the public like any other commodity. Media-hyped millionaires are neatly packaged and marketed with the same intensity and deception as a cell phone.

Once in office, we trust these men and women with our moral decisions and are satisfied with the illusion of having elected them, never comprehending the reality that if voting ever looked like it could change anything, it might be made illegal.

U-N-L-E-S-S . . .

What if everyone who stayed home in 2004 writes in my name in 2008? In 2004, there were 202,746,417 eligible voters, but only 122,293,332 hit the polling booths. More than 80 million more Americans could have voted while George W. Bush won with 62,040,610 votes.

Imagine if those 80 million came out in 2008 for, well, me. Imagine if even 20% of them voted for me�if for no other reason than to demonstrate that what they (we) want isn�t on the menu. Sixteen million protest votes? In America? The next thing you know, we�ll have an actual democracy.

This idea isn�t specifically about me winning (although there are enough non-voters out there to easily elect me). The time is long overdue for all of us to recognize that the primary difference between Republicans and Democrats is that they tell different lies to get elected. Voting for me can send a message that there�s more to life than Coke and Pepsi.

I propose the formation of a new party�The Rescue Party�with yours truly at the top of the ticket. For my running mate, I�ll ask Rosemarie Jackowski. (If you don�t recognize that name, try out that Google function on your Internet machine.) Consider us two bottles of filtered water standing firm against those sugary, chemical-laden soft drinks.

I�ll kick off my Rescue Party campaign with a presidential haiku: