Dubya became fighter pilot to save Texas

By Bev Conover


The George Dubya Bushbaby wants you to know that he didn't join the Texas Air National Guard to avoid fighting in Vietnam.

No siree! Dubya risked life and limb by becoming a fighter pilot in order to save Texas.

We'll have no snickering here. This is serious business, or bidness as Molly Ivins would say. Texas, you see, is surrounded by enemies. You never know what the Mexicans, Louisianans, Arkansans, Oklahomans or New Mexicans might do. And don't discount the Floridians on the eastern side of the Gulf of Mexico. An attack by shrimp boats and personal watercraft are no laughing matter. We have it on good word that the Floridians have been plotting a sneak attack on the Lone Star State in order to seize the winter crops. Imagine Florida's flag flying over the capitol in Austin. That's enough to give Dubya nightmares. And who can blame him when his kid brother, the Jeb Bushbaby, would become chief executive of Texas, too?

Of course Dubya did his duty to Guard and Texas long before he or Jeb became governors, and while Daddy Bush was a lowly congressman from Houston. But the Dubya Shrub, unlike his daddy who became president, has the vision thing. He knew what would happen if he didn't keep his Guard up.

So on a spring day in 1969, Dubya, who was about to graduate from Yale, walked into the office of the Guard's commanding officer and so impressed him with his noble purpose that he immediately went to the head of the line, ahead of about 150 others who had applied to join. And before you can say that dawg don't hunt, this Bushbaby completed basic training, received an immediate commission as a second lieutant and found himself at the controls of an F-102.

Lt. Dubya was not one to shirk his duty. He did what was required of him. He even placed himself at great peril by going to Alabama for three months to work on a senatorial campaign. How many other members of the Guard were exposed to a danger of that magnitude?

Now don't you go thinking Daddy Bush had anything to do with getting Dubya into the Guard. Nor did Lloyd Bensten or the Quayles pull a few strings to get their sons safely ensconced in the National Guard. Scratch those rumors that the Texas Air National Guard didn't need more pilots to fly its obsolete aircraft, while the US Air Force was desperately short of pilots in 'Nam.

This only goes to show you how dumb George Dubya Bush thinks we really are.

Remember the Alamo!

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