Why the U.S. and Israel are such good friends
By Carmen Yarrusso
Online Journal Contributing Writer
May 21, 2010, 00:12
Many Americans wonder why we continue to give Israel 3
billion of our hard-earned tax dollars every year instead of spending those
billions on our own needy. Many Americans wonder why we give Israel billions
more in bunker-busting bombs, Apache attack helicopters armed with TOW
missiles, and other such advanced weapons. Many Americans wonder why we always
thwart UN resolutions against Israel�s actions even when those actions unambiguously
violate international law. In short, many Americans wonder why the U.S. and
Israel are such inseparably good friends.
Why? Because the U.S. and Israel have so much in common. Who
in the U.S. doesn�t love knishes or latkes? The U.S. and Israel are two peas in
Both nations worship the AIPAC (America Israel Public
Affairs Committee), which functions as a heavenly messenger between two very
good friends. Israel tells the AIPAC exactly what it wants and the AIPAC tells
members of Congress to grant it unquestioned (if they�d like to keep their
Both nations obviously share the same deep moral values. For
example, both agree on the moral way to take out a terrorist cleric in a
wheelchair (TOW missile launched from an Apache helicopter, duh!). It wouldn�t
be right to walk up and shoot a cripple in the head (sincere apologies to those
within 50 feet of the wheelchair).
Both nations demonize �terrorists� who use suicide bombers
(not just to kill, but to terrorize). Sure, the U.S. and Israel often
recklessly kill innocent people (hey, shit happens), but they don�t stoop to
terror (apparently being stalked by Apache helicopters or Predator drones that
can blow you away any second, before you can even detect them, has a soothing
effect on one�s mind).
But the most significant thing the U.S. and Israel have in
common (what binds them like brothers) is the way both nations were
created. The U.S. and Israel followed a strikingly similar path in establishing
their respective nations.
A little history
The major problem establishing both the U.S. and Israel as
nations was what to do with the indigenous people. So it was only natural for
Israel to go to its new friend, the U.S., and ask, �How did you handle your
indigenous people? Since we share the same deep moral values, we want to treat
our indigenous people the same way.� Realizing they had so much in common, the
two nations became fast friends.
The first thing needed to establish a nation is land.
Unfortunately for both the U. S. and Israel, the land they needed was already
occupied by people who had lived on and worked that land for centuries. But
fortunately for both emerging nations, neither the Native Americans nor the
Palestinians were particularly well armed.
At first, both the U.S. and Israel tried to politely reason
with their respective indigenous people. Both nations said something like,
�Yes, you�ve worked this land for many centuries and consider it your home, but
could you please pack up your shit and move someplace else because we need your
land.� How much more polite and reasonable can a request be?
In both cases, the indigenous people were clearly informed
that God had given us their land. You�d think any reasonable Palestinian would
say, �Oh, God gave you this land, why didn�t you say so, just let me
take a last look at the fields I�ve worked all my life, and at the olive groves
my great, great grandfather planted, and I�m out of here.�
But instead (just like the stubborn Native Americans) the
Palestinians got all pissy and indignant (just because Israel was blatantly
stealing their land using military force). Clearly, some ethnic groups are just
a little too sensitive. Just like the stubborn Native Americans, many
Palestinians had the chutzpah to actually resist being violently thrown off
their land. Amazing! Reasoning with such people is obviously futile.
The U.S. then suggested Israel might bring the Palestinians
to their senses by massacring a few of their villages (this tactic had often
proved a convincing argument for Native Americans stubbornly occupying U.S.
land). Unfortunately, many Palestinians still refused to leave (and those who
did leave hold a grudge to this day). Amazing! Reasoning with such people is
Both the U.S. and Israel eventually forced hundreds of
thousands of indigenous people off land they�d occupied for centuries. Both
nations conceded �sovereign� territories for the displaced natives, but almost
immediately began violently stealing that land too.
Both nations encouraged illegal settlements on these
�sovereign� territories, inexorably forcing many indigenous people to struggle
in squalor on worthless, arid land. Those who dared to resist were labeled
�savages� by the U.S. and �terrorists� by Israel (of course, exterminating
�savages� and �terrorists� is perfectly moral).
Why are the U.S. and Israel such good friends? Obviously the
U.S. and Israel share the same deep moral values. What better basis for a close
friendship than sharing the same deep moral values?
Carmen Yarrusso lives on a river in a small town
in New Hampshire and often writes about uncomfortable truths.
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