The Lighter Side
Why it takes so many Mossad agents to kill a Palestinian with a pillow
By Gilad Atzmon
Online Journal Guest Writer


Mar 3, 2010, 00:23

While in Britain, France, USA and Argentina the Mossad enjoys the support of thousands of local Sayanim, Jews who are happy to betray their neighbours for their beloved Jewish state, when operating in Arab countries the Mossad has to schlep its very many assassins and their assistants using different fraudulent methods.

Yet one may wonder why does it takes 26 Mossad agents to carry out a single murder of an unarmed Palestinian freedom fighter with a pillow. I will try to throw some light on the puzzling question.

The Mossad is not just an ordinary intelligence agency run by boring gentiles. It is actually run by Chosen people and it is there to serve the interests of the Jewish state and the Jewish national project. In recent days we learned that more than two dozen Mossad agents have been identified so far by the Dubai police. One would expect that with such a varied and extended collective of Jewish murderers operating in a hostile Arab country at least one combatant Rabbi is needed just to keep the Kosher regulations, maintaining an open line with God and sustaining a revengeful Jewish spirit.

As much as food in Dubai is known to be amazingly delicious, not many kosher delicatessens are currently operating downtown. Hence, we also need a Jewishly trained expert that would purchase the fish for the gefilte and the chicken for the soup. We would need at least one chef who knows how to transform chicken and water into Jewish Power (chicken soup). You have to remember that from a Jewish perspective, food is of the essence. Unlike animals who kill only when they need to eat or are detecting an imminent danger, the Israeli kills for �ulterior motives� (democracy, pluralism, war �against terror,� etc.) and then prefers to do it when his/her belly is full.

Between the culinary concerns and the Kosher diet regulations we already allocated three members of the team. Still 23 potential assassins are more than enough for just one single kill.

But there are more facts to take into account. Bearing in mind the recent revelations about some Mossad members� mental instability, it is more than likely that a psychiatrist, a Freudian analyst, a psychiatric paramedic and a nurse were needed to assist the Jewish lethal heroes �before and after.� This indeed brings our team to just 19 potential assassins.

As we learn from the press, six of the Mossad agents were women. This would mean that we need some beauty experts. A hairdresser who specialises in �curly situations.� We would also need a Jewish cosmetic consultant, and one who knows about manicure and pedicure. One who can transform the Jewish female nail into a Zionist lethal sword (just in case a technical pillow failure occurs). We also need a wig specialist, one who knows how to transform a boy from Tel Aviv into a lad from Essex. The �four beauty specialists� reduce our team of assassins to 17.

But we are not finished yet, as we learn from the press. Our Mossad killers were rather enthusiastic about tennis. Clearly they wouldn�t trust an Arab or Jihady referee, they must have brought their own. They probably needed a Kosher Israeli tennis referee and a few athletic settlers who run after their balls. Let�s us assume that we need two-three ball runners and one referee, this would bring our potential assassin team to just 14.

According to The Times, the Holocaust plays a major role in Mossad�s philosophy. �We should be strong, use our brain, and defend ourselves so that the Holocaust will never be repeated,� says Meir Dagan, the Mossad �s current chief. As it happens, the Mossad is killing in the name of the Jewish past. It is more than likely that the Mossad schleped to Dubai some of its best Holocaust priests, those who remind the spies why should they execute and why they should depart from the human family. Considering the six-figure narrative, it would be reasonable to assume that the Mossad sent to Dubai at least six Holocaust mentors: one for each million.

However, as we know, the Nazi Holocaust is just one event among countless other Judeocides. �Never to Forgive, Never to Forget� is apparently the prospect of Jewish future. Altogether we can count ine or 10 Jewish Judeocide priests to include the 19th century East European Pogroms, the Inquisition, Amalek and so on. This would bring down our list of potential hit men to just five.

Yet as much as nationalist Jews and their spiritual leaders vow �never to forget� and always to forget� and always to remember, there are some things they really insist to overlook, push aside or dismiss. For instance, they seem to fail to grasp the real meaning of the United Nations Fact Finding Mission on the Gaza Conflict known as the Goldstone report. They insist to dismiss Shlomo Sand�s reading of their history as a bundle of invented phantasmic tales on the verge of total fallacy. They insist to turn a blind eye to the fact that AIPAC, AJC, ADL, LFI and CFI dispatches are all lobbying for racist expansionist ideology (Zionism) in our midst. With British Foreign Secretary David Miliband being listed as an �Israeli Hasbara (propaganda) Author� and Zionists preaching for interventionist wars in the media, with Bernie Madoff teaching us about Ponzi and Alan Greenspan who brought on us the biggest financial meltdown ever. We need some Jewish specialists who can indoctrinate Mossad agents into total blindness and complete amnesia. I would guess that with Wolfowitz, Miliband, Goldstone, Abe Foxman, Greenspan, Madoff, Olmert, Livni, Sharon, Peres and too many more, we may need just more than five experts to convince the Mossad�s hit-squad that the Jewish cause is truly kosher.

As we can see, we already counted 26 necessary assistants to murder without even mentioning a single Mossad pillow operator. As we see, it takes far more than just 26 Mossad agents to murder an unarmed Palestinian. I guess that in the coming days the Dubai police will bring up many more photos of Israelis in wigs.

I must admit that with Israel around, life is always full of surprises. What are we going to do when it is gone?