Bulletin from the Institute of Future History: ExxonMobil and Citigroup to run for president
By Alan James Strachan, Ph.D.
Online Journal Contributing Writer
Feb 24, 2010, 00:28
March 28, 2012 -- In the wake of the
recent Supreme Court decision that corporations can run for President, Exxon
Mobil and Citigroup announced their candidacy.
In a series of rulings over the past 120 years, the Supreme
Court has determined that corporations are, in fact, human beings, and it has
gradually expanded their rights as US citizens.
In the court�s most recent ruling, the unanimous decision
decreed, �As human beings and citizens of the US, any corporation has the right
to run for political office. Corporations, like each and every citizen, have
the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Can anyone
deny how happy they will be to be able to hold political office?�
The ACLU accused the court of succumbing to intense
corporate lobbying. Chief Justice Roberts, located at a Citigroup-owned resort
in Majorca, declined comment.
A court spokesperson stated that the unanimous decision was
completely unrelated to corporate sponsorship of the court. Last year, when the
US government was unable to provide a budget, the Supreme Court was forced to
turn to corporate sponsors. Responding to public complaints that corporate
logos on the justice�s robes lack dignity, a spokesperson stated that they were
�tasteful� and �in no way affected the impartiality of the court.�
Citigroup was selected by a secret meeting of the Banker�s
Party, formerly the Democratic Party, while Exxon Mobil was chosen in a similar
fashion by the Oil and Gas Party, formerly the Republican Party. When asked why
the decisions were made behind closed doors, rather than in an open convention,
each party declined comment.
After announcing their candidacy at a joint press
conference, Citigroup and Exxon Mobil issued the following statement:
�We are proud to
announce a new era of cooperation in the selection of a president. We will not
be running a negative campaign. In fact, we will not be running a campaign at
all. The mere fact that we are now able to run for office amply demonstrates
our ability to get things done. Voters seeking further information are referred
to our annual reports. Finally, we want to assure the voters that whichever
candidate they vote for, they will receive exactly the same representation.�
related news, stock prices for Citigroup and Exxon Mobil soared to
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