Satire
Pelosi finally explains why single-payer is �off the table� (press conference)
By Carmen Yarrusso
Online Journal Contributing Writer


Jan 29, 2010, 00:14

As Speaker of the House, I�m here to explain why keeping single-payer off the table is in the best interests of the American sheeple.

The House of Representatives (as the name implies) is the branch of our government that represents you, the American sheeple. You elected us to represent your best interests, not the best interests of the health insurance companies who constantly bribe us with huge sums of money.

Some suggest our refusal to honestly debate single-payer is crystal clear proof we�ve been bought out by the health insurance industry. The American sheeple need to know whether or not their representatives are crooks. We�re not crooks!

For many years we�ve been reluctantly accepting millions from the health insurance industry. We didn�t want their money. They forced us to take it. Whenever they held a screaming House member down and stuffed another million into his wallet, they were always sternly warned, �we�ll take your money (that you wouldn�t continue to give us unless it got results), but we must warn you, we represent the American sheeple.�

So it�s merely a very odd coincidence that keeping single-payer �off the table� guarantees billions of your health care dollars will be diverted to insurance company profits instead of being spent on your health care. Of course, keeping single-payer �off the table� also guarantees hundreds of billions more of your health care dollars will go to unnecessary administrative costs instead of to your health care.

But we�re not crooks!

So what if single-payer is used by 28 of the world�s top industrialized nations? Unlike the American sheeple, those stupid foreigners were easily fooled by specious (single-payer) propaganda spewed out by their lackey media and their so-called �representatives.�

The American sheeple didn�t riot in the streets when their representatives inexplicably refused to even consider an obvious, ready solution to America�s health care crisis. In fact, we�ve heard hardly a peep from the sheep.

Obviously the American sheeple see nothing wrong with their representatives completely prohibiting debate on a tested, proven system that provides significantly superior health care to every citizen for half the cost. Baaaa . . .

The American sheeple don�t need no stinking single-payer. Baaaa . . .

Goodnight! [big Pelosi smile] Thanks for coming.