Elections & Voting
The president we never had
By Robert Rossi
Online Journal Guest Writer

Jun 27, 2008, 00:17

My write-in vote for the presidential election just died and I�m angry as hell about it. My anger has manifested itself in seven words: shit, piss, fuck, motherfucker, cocksucker, cunt and tits!!!

Carlin, in one of most famous comedy routines, cited those seven words as verboten on TV, though time has changed their acceptability on cable, the stage, fiction, film and daily life. Yet, they describe how I did feel, how I feel and how I will feel. They have been my hopes when I lost hope in American politics. They have been my strength when my hopes were lost. They continue to be my hopes though I know not for whom.

Carlin�s platform was written through his years as a preacher on the American stage:

On America: �When you�re born you get a ticket to a freak show. When you�re born in America you get a front row seat."

�I used to be Irish Catholic, now I�m an American. You know, you grow.�

�Status quo sucks."

On Bill O�Reilly: �Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist.�

On war: �Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.�

�Don�t sweat the petty things. Don�t pet the sweaty things.�

On religion: �I would not want to be a member of a group whose symbol was to have a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.�

�Atheism is a �non-prophet� organization.�

On gay marriage: �I am� is the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that �I do� is the longest sentence?�

On church and state: �I�m completely in favor of the separation of church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together are certain death.�

As to the other candidates, I love listening to Obama talk of �change." No more lobbyists, no public funding, no more war. I admire his ephemeral qualities in solving the world�s ills. There has probably not been a more prolific, eloquent or emotional presidential candidate on the American scene since Dick Gregory ran for the job some 40 or so years ago. Americans are no longer looking for Obama�s rhetoric of �change." Americans are now looking forward to hearing his definition of the word. My condolences, Barack, your future secretary of state, your US master strategic planner is no more but, his plan has been summed up in just seven common everyday words that Condi would blush at.

In an effort to afford the �other party� equal time we must raise the issue that potential voters talk about, McCain�s alleged �anger� and �short fuse." McCain should well have taken anger management lessons from Carlin. Carlin for all his disagreement with politics, religion, the FCC, censorship and the anti-liberal (note: not conservative) people in Washington never lost his temper . . . or his timing . . . when making his point. Sorry, senator, he�s not available as your consultant or tutor anymore.

There is no question that if he were still alive and if I helped elect him, President Carlin would live in the annals of presidential history for his observation of Americans, �Have you ever noticed if a guy is driving slower than you, he�s an idiot and if a guy is driving faster than, you he�s a maniac?� That one observation, that one Zen-like passage would have been a focal point in one of his weekly fireside joints . . . err . . . chats and would have elevated and maintained his approval rating to astronomical heights.

Now, he�s gone and America�s last hope is no more. If he holds true to his word, his tombstone will read �I�ll be back in a minute� . . . although more realistically his seven no-no words should be etched in the stone: �shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits.� You can�t beat a classic.

Adieu, George Carlin. We will never forget yee. . . .

PS: Weather Forecast: Dark

Robert Rossi is a globe-trotting executive and amateur magician, and a cousin to Jerry Mazza, gvmaz@verizon.net. All comments will be forwarded to him.

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