The Lighter Side
How you can learn to stop worrying and love the bomb
By Bev Conover
Online Journal Contributing Writer


Oct 13, 2006, 01:19

Hey, there is money to be made here. Big bucks for enterprising entrepreneurs. And we're not talking just duct tape and plastic sheeting. No siree!

Why the moribund bomb shelter industry can be revived.

Think about that. Someone has to build those underground bunkers. Then they have to be stocked with food, first aid kits, medicines. They will need air and water filtration systems, generators, fuel to run them and a waste disposal system, not to mention furnishings, blankets, pillows, sheets and so on. And don't forget the Geiger counters. Beer is good, too, and maybe some wine and hard stuff for the bunker parties.

This could be bigger than the home security industry that popped up and flourished after all the scares about crime. This goes beyond five locks on each door and alarm systems to keep home invaders and burglars out. It may be bigger than the billions of your money Washington spends on Bush's "war on terror" to hassle you at airports, listen in on your phone calls, read your emails and snoop through your library records.

Kids can once again have nightmares about nuclear war. That is sure to give another boost to Big Pharma in stuffing them with anti-anxiety pills.

What a boost for the economy! For Wall Street, this will be a bigger ride than the dot-com boom.

Of course, the West coast will be toast if George W. succeeds in goading Kim Jong-il to lob some of his lovelies this way -- once he figures out how to make them work -- but, as Madeleine Albright would say, "We think the price is worth it."

And while the world above you glows or burns, as the case may be, you will be snug in your shelters, hoisting a few maybe not so cold ones, munching on chips and watching reruns of "Survivor" or NFL games on your DVD players, secure in the knowledge that when you emerge all that money you made will be awaiting you in offshore banks.

On the other hand, if one or more of the other nuke powers get into the act, you will be toast too, but that's life, eh? At least the End-timers will be thrilled that they have achieved Armageddon as their cinders are Raptured (not exactly the way they envisioned going, but that's how the cookie crumbles).