Executive Order: The Frozen Embryo Bill of Rights
By Frank and Susan Fuller
Journal Contributing Writers
Jul 27, 2006, 00:51
By the authority vested in me as President by the
Constitution, the Creator and the laws of the United States of America, and in
order to make the Homeland stronger and more perfect, the following rights are
hereby ordered to apply to all Frozen Embryos from now until it is determined
that they are former embryos.
Frozen Embryos are living sentient human beings who only want to grow up like
everyone and have the opportunity to remain chaste until marriage and then vote
term �Frozen Embryo� is an inapt and cold term that doesn't capture the
essential humanity of these viable, living human beings, truly our most
vulnerable citizens. Therefore, as a sign of the Homeland's compassion, all
Frozen Embryos will henceforth be called Homeless Embryos.
decent Homeland does not create Homeless Embryos simply to take their precious
stem cells. Therefore, no one shall take the stem cells of a Homeless Embryo
without the informed written consent of said living sentient human being. If
said living sentient human being is unable to state its wishes clearly, it
shall be allowed to keep all its stem cells until it is old enough to give
informed consent as to the harvesting of said stem cells.
(4) A compassionate and decent Homeland does not just
discard its homeless citizens because they are homeless. Its decency is
measured by its ability to find housing and shelter as soon as possible for all
its homeless citizens. Therefore Homeless Embryos shall have the right to live
wherever they choose, even if it is within the body of an unwilling hostess.
too long, unsound science has stated that time stops for these embryos as long
as they remain housed in a freezer kept at subzero temperatures. Sound science
has now proven that to be a cold calculation as well as a falsehood. Sound
scientists, working for decency, have proven that with the passage of time these
Homeless Embryos become increasingly eager to find adequate housing. Therefore
all childless couples must come forward and be implanted with a Homeless Embryo
so said sentient human being and its stem cells can have a good home and become
a former embryo with all the opportunities listed in article (1).
Those childless adults who don't come forward can be sued for nonsupport by
Homeless Embryos once they have grown up.
implanted the hostess body will be servant to said viable living human being.
It must nourish and take care of said viable living human being and not expose
the Homeless Embryo to any vice, toxins, drugs, alcohol, heavy metal music, bad
thoughts, unrestrained sexual activity, big words, liberalism, college
professors or other known dangers. In addition, said hostess must follow a
proper diet that avoids veganism, French foods, French cheeses, and organic
foods, especially organic meats that don't benefit the Homeland's major food
Homeless Embryos, like the Homeless everywhere, shall have the right to vote.
Lack of an address is not by itself an adequate cause for the denial of voting
rights. If any individual Homeless Embryo is unable to adequately convey its
voting wishes, a representative shall be appointed by the President to
determine said viable sentient human being's wishes and carry them out.
rights not specifically outlined here that are generally given to and enjoyed
by former embryos are hereby given to all Homeless Embryos, except those rights
which are found to be dangerous by a group of fair and balanced journalists.
and Susan Fuller are co-authors of �The Department of Homeland Decency: Decency
Rules and Regulations Manual.� Ordering information can be found at www.homelanddecency.com.
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