Commentary
Iranians, why can't you be more like us?
By Bev Conover
Online Journal Editor & Publisher


Feb 16, 2006, 20:37

Dear Iranians, our dictator doesn't like your president. The difference, assuming you had a fair and honest election, is you elected your guy and ours stole two elections, but our guy wants to give you democracy.

Our guy keeps telling us that we can't use our money -- what, if anything, is left of it -- to help our people, because he needs every penny he can squeeze out of us and borrow from other countries for his endless wars and his war-profiteering buddies who are funneling it into their offshore bank accounts as fast as he hands them the greenbacks. Of course, with the kind of democracy he wants to give you, your guy will have to pony up your money to our guy. Our guy will take oil in lieu of cash. Not the worst deal, eh?

On the surface, our guy and his secretary of state, Condoleezza "Fried" Rice, would have people believe you can promote democracy like toothpaste. So Ms. Fried Rice -- fried as pertaining to her brain -- wants another $75 million of our or borrowed money to convince (okay, propagandize) you that our democracy makes for whiter teeth. Truth is, it makes for no teeth at all, because many of us can't afford dentists, among other things.

But hey, you have been on the receiving end of our democracy campaign ever since we started really feeling our oats about what a great, free nation we are shortly after our "greatest generation" defeated the Nazis and Japanese -- some say single-handedly.

Have you forgotten that our CIA rid you of your popular, duly elected Premier Mohammed Mossaddeg, because he was going to nationalize Iran's oil industry and seize control of the British owned and operated Anglo-Iranian Oil Company? Now how democratic was that?

So our guy, Ike (who may or may not have been elected, because we can't be sure of how long election thefts have been going on) teamed up with the Brits' guy, Winnie Churchill, to cook up a plot that led to the coup, carried out by the CIA, that toppled Mossaddeq and saddled you with Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi. Could you have asked for a greater gift?

Dunno about you, but everything was going swimmingly for us until our friend (puppet) the shah was toppled by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, who turned your country into an Islamic republic, which didn't sit well with our guys, either.

Uncle Ronnie Reagan may have traded arms for hostages to get back our people that your people were holding, which helped you in your war with Iraq, but he sent his special envoy and our current secretary of war, Donny Rumsfeld, out the other door to Iraq to supply Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction (WMD) to use against you -- those WMD that our current guy and Rummy claimed Saddam was going to use against us, but, hard as our guys looked, couldn't find. Ya gotta admit that from our guys' standpoint that was a brilliant move, except you and the Iraqis failed to knock off each other so our guys could grab your land and oil.

Despair not. It took a few more years, but look at how our current guy liberated the Iraqis. Why in a few more years there will be nothing and no one left in the place, except us, the oil and depleted uranium.

Ain't democracy great? How can you resist it? Don't you want whiter teeth; a more efficient police state; an economy in shambles; debt that can never be repaid; a destroyed environment; permanent unemployment; people unable to afford health care, housing, food clothing; no safety net or pensions; and your children and grandchildren used as cannon fodder in endless wars?